My Creative Journey

I’ve always been a doodler. In grammar school, I had a hard time paying attention; I’d draw in class, after school, filling up notebooks with cartoon-like people, airplanes, and animals. Later, in secondary school, I gravitated towards art classes. I learned to paint, using watercolor and collage techniques extensively. I also learned to play guitar and wrote poetry and short stories. These pursuits were an inner world, a universe of possibilities for me. Creativity has always been an alternative world; thinking about making art produces fascination; intrigue. What can I make today?

I initially thought of majoring in art in college but decided against it, pursing what I believed was a practical major instead. This decision reflects another voice in my life – the scorning voice of negative self- talk. This voice tells me that art and creativity are irresponsible, frivolous, and a waste of time. I’ve learned to be aware of that voice and to see if for what it is: fear.

As a result of that professional decision (which was a positive one in many ways), I largely stepped away from creative work for the next few decades. Instead, I focused on career and family. My job at that time had limited outlets for creativity and I would embrace those when I could. I also drew with my kids when they were younger too. However, I didn’t really sit down to create something for myself for many years. My life was very day to day; what I’d call “tactical” at that time; take the kids to school; go to work; do laundry; clean the house; collapse with exhaustion after the kids’ soccer practice – that was the sort of life I lived. I did not make a lot of conscious decisions about what I wanted to do; I was far more reactive at that time.

The people around me at that time (at work or family friends) were much the same; there were no real interactions about creativity. I lost the spark to create. I didn’t see it in my day-to-day life very often. In retrospect, this was a rough time for me. I do remember a few attempts – I wrote a few short stories for instance. However, I kept these private; I had a weird feeling that if I shared them, any chance of finishing them would disappear or that others would ridicule what I was doing as a waste of time. Notably, I have no idea whether that would have been true or not – I was listening to my negative self-talk.

Over the last ten years, I’ve confronted several major life events: family illnesses and death, divorce, a major career change, and other significant and emotional events, including the pandemic and political upheaval in the United States. These tumultuous events have taught me some great lessons:

• What other people think isn’t very important in most cases

• Pursuing creative things is not a waste of time; in fact, it frees my mind for a bit, allowing new and hopeful approaches to other life problems to rise to consciousness

• When going through something difficult, I must make it a priority to see what I can be grateful for within it. It’s important to note his is not in a smarmy way – rather in the way one uses the right tool to fix something

• It’s worth it to take chances

Jim's first painting in 2014 after he starting creating art again. Chalk pastel, 9” x 12”.

I started this new journey by just sitting down and drawing. It was a huge relief – like meditation – to sit down a draw for 20 or 30 minutes, forgetting the world and its very real troubles for a moment. From that starting point, it was a big deal to me to share something I’d drawn with a friend I trusted. Since that time, I’ve walked steadily into the light, taking small yet consistent steps towards a more creative life. Each step has been weighed, considered, and I’ve only taken it when I feel comfortable with that step.

Jim's artwork from 2015. Oil pastel, 18” x 24”.

As a result, I participated in a solo art show; joined art groups, posted artwork on Instagram, and participated in group art shows. I’ve also taken on thought-provoking projects: commissions; art design for book covers, and other sorts of challenges. I’m an abstract artist almost exclusively. Sometimes, I get in a rut with what I’m doing. One way to break out of that rut – live figure drawing classes! Drawing people in a realistic fashion is NOT a strength of mine but taking a class like that from time to time has forced me to develop different skills. I also took a six-week pottery class. The products from the classes was not the point – in the pottery class, my coffee cups ended up as small teacups, my plate a tiny dish! The point was to try something different, to interact with other creatives, and to learn by taking chances.

It’s been a fun and sometime exhilarating journey, but more importantly, it has been a healing one. Today, I see creative pursuits as a form of meditation – but also one of reflection. In many cases, a piece of art I make may be an unconscious reflection of heartbreak, of loss, or of an exalted experience. I don’t often know which until much later – or something through the interpretations of others who see my work.

Jim's artwork from 2021. Pen and ink, 11” x 14”.

One of the best resources I’ve found in this journey are people in my own community and across the world (like Rei) that let me know that what I do and what I create is important and worth doing. They also tell me that I can try anything and that there are no rules in art. As a result of these experiences and the people I’ve met, I’m a much happier person today than I was 10 or 15 years ago, and I know that I’ve got further roads to wander.

Jim Martin

A social scientist and artist.

www.martinart.org